Again

tears cried for no one, fake bog. weeping bitter crocodile tears, eh?

Schadenfreude

                        

Rain again and as I sit here contently a foul word has just popped into my head. 

A most foul unpleasant word that is only truly found in one of the many many languages of our world. 

This word is a word that could most surely put paid to your heavenly aspirations. 

It is a mean petty word that only mean petty people would use. 

When pronounced it sounds almost pleasant, though. 

Whose word is it and what word, pray tell, is this most despicable foul word? 

Well, it is the German language's word. 

And the foul horrid word is "schadenfreude",

                        

which described a pleasure some people feel at the misfortune and suffering of others.  

Got to love the Germans, huh? 

Such a sweet sounding word but it is a terrible terrible word. 

A word that most certainly could get you damned eternally. 

It almost must 

Because 

to find pleasure in another's suffering must lead straight to hell. 

Being "schadenfreude" could only come from a very dark place. 

                               

I dislike many. 

Ok. 

I dislike many many

But 

I would never want to hear that they are truly suffering and in a place of misfortune. 

Why would I?

I have experienced misfortune and I have also suffered once or twice. 

Who hasn't? 

And it was not any fun at all. 

                 

Deep anguish that sinks into your very bones.  

That horrible feeling of dread that raises the hair on the back of your neck as your body gets burning hot. 

That sick feeling in your stomach as you know clearly this is not a frigging nightmare. 

That clammy feeling of your now damp skin as you can not believe this shit is really happening. 

Frig. 

Who should find joy in that happening to anyone? 

                           

What a pleasant sounding word that just rolls off of some German people's tongue.

"Schadenfreude". 

And oddly enough my IPhone knows the word.

I didn't even have to finish typing it in. 

Hmm. 

Schadenfreude ( /'ja:denfroide/). 

Shaa-den-froide. 

It just trips off your tongue. 

Schadenfreude. 

                             

Other languages have phrases or expressions similar to schadenfreude but no other language actually has assigned a word for such a sadistic feeling. 

There is an English term that means almost the same thing and it is 

"morose delectation"

Which means "The habit of dwelling with enjoyment on evil thoughts". 

Churches centuries ago taught that "morose delectation" was a sin. 

And I don't blame them. 

Schadenfreude.

                             

                              

I am not referring to the slight joy people see when someone trips or falls going up the steps. 

Even though after America's Funniest Videos I must admit I really find seeing someone hurt themselves not funny at all. 

Are AFV television show watchers "schadenfreude-ic? 

Maybe. 

What a word, though. 

But who really does that? 

Who dwells with enjoyment on evil thoughts? 

Not I, said the fly. 

But when I go online or I people-watch I see a lot of people these days who relish being schadenfreude. 

They seem to get great joy out of the suffering and misfortune of others. 

Almost the whole world has become schadenfreude it seems.  

                           

But as usual "I rebel with a raised fist" as Chuck D, from Public Enemy, would say. 

I rebel against allowing that dark joy into me by putting myself in other people's shoes and feeling their pain with them rather than finding a sick joy from their suffering. 

But that is just me. 

I guess I'm old fashion because to me the thought of gleefully finding joy in someone falling 

and rolling 

and rolling 

and rolling 

down a hill is not funny to me and finding joy it their obvious pain a sure way to hell. 

I may be anti-social,

Hmm

 but I'm not cruel. 

Schadenfreude. 

                             

Schadenfreude.

Is it part of your vocabulary? 

I would hope not.

Who has the habit of dwelling with pleasure on malicious and evil thoughts? 

Who really does that and why?

Again

tears cried for no one, fake bog. weeping bitter crocodile tears, eh? 

Turned Up

Booze. 

Liquor. 

Turned up. 

Drunken revelry. 

Good times.  

                                 

Good times says who?

Not me. 

I have never been a fan of too much booze. 

Wine. 

Whiskey. 

Beer. 

Etc. 

                                 

For me sometimes even just sip of any one of the above will make me sick. 

                                

And whenever I even try to get turned up I will most likely be throwing up. 

And now as I lay in my bed this morning feeling about to throw up I can't believe that the three glasses of white wine I had last night with my fried fish and fried sweet plantains have me feeling so horrible now. 

Who does this to themselves almost daily? 

                                

Who could hate themselves so much that they make themselves so sick with the poison that alcohol is daily?

Of course sometimes a body wants to just have fun and a lot of booze which is ok. 

Sometimes. 

Fine. 

I understand the occasionally turn up session. 

                                 

But I can't understand putting yourself though a horrible hung over experience daily. 

The mere thought of feeling this way mostly every morning is enough to send me and my already sick stomach into the bathroom to vomit. 

I want to cry. 

                      

Sorry

But I do. 

Who can manage this level of self-inflicted torture?  

And why? 

I didn't even drink that much last night and I feel like I want to kill myself now. 

I am completely baffled by alcoholics. 

                           

Who kills themselves daily? 

Poor them because that is crazy. 

I know that booze is like an on and off switch for your brain when you drink it

but 

why does a person need to shut their brain off daily? 

                                

Don't you want to think? 

Oh, frig, I guess not. 

Well, more power to you daily heavy drinkers. 

You apparently have a death wish which is awesome. 

                                

For you. 

But as for me, as I lay here in a tight ball praying that I live to see another day, I can't manage it. 

At all. 

And still I want cry.